Now that I have explained postpartum anxiety and have given you a look into my story, I want to give some advice to those who obsess and worry like me.
So, from one anxiety mom to another, I want to give you some ways that ease my mind when it comes to postpartum anxiety in hopes that it can help you too. (These are easier said than done, I am still working on them myself, but with practice we can do it.)
Do Not Compare
Your baby and your friends baby are not the same. The averages that the internet or percentile graphs give you are not important. You have an average or above average size baby? Cool. Smaller than average baby? That's ok. As long as doctor says baby is healthy and growing at his or her own pace everything else shouldn't matter. This also goes for milestones, it is not a race, it's a marathon and everybody finishes. Every baby grows and develops differently and at different times there is nothing you can do to change it. It is out of your control.
Your baby and your friends baby are not the same. The averages that the internet or percentile graphs give you are not important. You have an average or above average size baby? Cool. Smaller than average baby? That's ok. As long as doctor says baby is healthy and growing at his or her own pace everything else shouldn't matter. This also goes for milestones, it is not a race, it's a marathon and everybody finishes. Every baby grows and develops differently and at different times there is nothing you can do to change it. It is out of your control.
Google, be Gone
Well, not completely gone. This one kind of goes along with the previous tip, but Google and I have had a love/hate relationship since baby was born. There is so much information, why not look? I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do some research or look for advice on the internet but for a mom that has constant worry it can be crippling. Every single question you have regarding baby does not need to be looked up. It can lead you into a deep hole where you are just stuck with worry and are even more confused. If you have questions call your pediatrician's office. If you feel like you need to go in and see your pediatrician than do so. It feels impossible at times to know how, what, when something needs to be done for baby. We've never done this before and this is a living, breathing life. The pressure is extraordinary to do the best you can even though you feel you have no idea what your doing. So, getting mixed messages from mom's online who do not know your baby is the wrong way to get answers.
Well, not completely gone. This one kind of goes along with the previous tip, but Google and I have had a love/hate relationship since baby was born. There is so much information, why not look? I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do some research or look for advice on the internet but for a mom that has constant worry it can be crippling. Every single question you have regarding baby does not need to be looked up. It can lead you into a deep hole where you are just stuck with worry and are even more confused. If you have questions call your pediatrician's office. If you feel like you need to go in and see your pediatrician than do so. It feels impossible at times to know how, what, when something needs to be done for baby. We've never done this before and this is a living, breathing life. The pressure is extraordinary to do the best you can even though you feel you have no idea what your doing. So, getting mixed messages from mom's online who do not know your baby is the wrong way to get answers.
Lower Your Expectations/ Don't Force It
Your baby may not be ready for certain things you feel like she needs. Like getting your baby on a schedule. I obsessed on having my daughter get onto a schedule because that is what eases MY mind. There are example schedules out there that moms put on the internet because it worked for them. When to feed baby, when baby goes down for nap, blah, blah, blah. You can try but it does not mean it will work for your baby. Some babies are easy to get on a schedule and follow it day in and day out and some babies, like mine, don't form any kind of schedule until they are developmentally ready. Same with starting solid foods. Some babies may start eating solid foods at 4 months and some may not be ready until they are 8 months. Another would be sleeping through the night or night weaning. Do not force something on baby because YOU think it is best or it needs to be done. At times I believe she should be eating a certain amount, but who am I to tell her when she is hungry or full. This goes back to every baby is different. Stressing that your baby is behind because they aren't doing what other babies are doing at their age just make you feel worse. It will all fall into place when baby is ready.
Your baby may not be ready for certain things you feel like she needs. Like getting your baby on a schedule. I obsessed on having my daughter get onto a schedule because that is what eases MY mind. There are example schedules out there that moms put on the internet because it worked for them. When to feed baby, when baby goes down for nap, blah, blah, blah. You can try but it does not mean it will work for your baby. Some babies are easy to get on a schedule and follow it day in and day out and some babies, like mine, don't form any kind of schedule until they are developmentally ready. Same with starting solid foods. Some babies may start eating solid foods at 4 months and some may not be ready until they are 8 months. Another would be sleeping through the night or night weaning. Do not force something on baby because YOU think it is best or it needs to be done. At times I believe she should be eating a certain amount, but who am I to tell her when she is hungry or full. This goes back to every baby is different. Stressing that your baby is behind because they aren't doing what other babies are doing at their age just make you feel worse. It will all fall into place when baby is ready.
Occupy Your Mind
Up until recently, every time my daughter went down for a nap I would start my online, how-to, baby research. Looking for answers that really did me no good in the end. It actually made it worse. I would use my whole free time searching for, now what seems, nothing that truly helped. Again, advice that did not work for me and my baby. Then, when she woke up from her nap I feel like I just put her down. Days feel so long being a stay at home mom, during nap times you should do what you love. Take care of yourself, don't add to the stress of your day by doing unnecessary research. I started reading again. I love psychological thrillers. Takes my mind off of my stress and worry and puts it into a whole other world, even if its for just a half hour. Take a bath, catch up on your shows, knit, do a puzzle, workout, anything that doesn't have to do with baby. If you are like me, put your phone away during that time, that is the biggest advice I could give. I know it may seem impossible since all we do now-a-days is search social media but give yourself a much needed mommy break. It's one of the reasons I started this blog. Yes, it has to do with baby but it also clears my head.
Collect Evidence and Confront Your Fears
This one is the hardest for me. I wouldn't have even thought about doing this if it weren't for my therapist. It sounds silly but one of mine was feeding my daughter her bottle somewhere other than our home. She is a very distracted eater and I felt that she would not eat as much if not at home. It made me very uncomfortable even thinking about it. With her being a smaller baby and gaining weight slowly I wanted her to get all the calories she needed. I still have not fed her in a public place but my first step was feeding her in the car (parked of course.) So I tried it one day when we were out and she ate a good amount. All I needed was to try something that was out of my comfort zone and give my brain the evidence it needed. The evidence being that my baby CAN eat well outside of the house. Again, this may seem silly to others but that's what anxiety can do to someone, put irrational thoughts inside our mind. So, I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone, even if it's a baby step. The more you do it, the less your anxiety can hold it against you.
Mindfulness
This one is even harder, in fact I am no where near accomplishing this. Mindfulness = a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Living in the present moment feels impossible when you live with anxiety. With anxiety we always focus on the future, what might happen, and how we can control it. Mindfulness means not worrying or dwelling. I have read, and am currently reading again, a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In the very beginning he explains that who you are is not what you think, you are separate beings. Breaking away from toxic thinking takes time but I believe it can be possible. I try to take moments to look at my daughter and take mental pictures of her in the present moment. Everyday feels so long but I know in the grand scheme of things time flies and I want to remember her being this little.
Asking for Help
Many people feel like asking for help means that they have failed or are weak. In reality when you acknowledge that you can't overcome something on your own and ask for help, you are strong. Maybe this means seeing a therapist. Maybe this means starting a medication. Maybe this means praying. Maybe it means doing all three. Since I was in grade school I have been on an anti-anxiety/depressant medication. It was used for treatment of General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It changed my life. Flash forward to today where I have increased the dose of that same medication. I pray more than I ever have. I ask God for patience and strength but I also thank Him for everything in life He has given me to make me so blessed. I started seeing a therapist when my daughter was around 3 months old. She has given me coping skills, advice, ways to overcome my anxiety, and at the very least someone to listen. So, if you believe you have had enough of feeling, thinking, worrying the way you do, ask for help.
These tips are coming from what I have learned about helping myself overcome postpartum anxiety. I still have a long way to go and I know I will always be someone who has an anxious mind but practicing these have helped me realize that I am stronger than my anxiety. Some of them may not work for you. The biggest thing to know is that you do not have to feel this way. You do not have go through this alone. If you need help, get it, and do it sooner than later. You won't be sorry.
Up until recently, every time my daughter went down for a nap I would start my online, how-to, baby research. Looking for answers that really did me no good in the end. It actually made it worse. I would use my whole free time searching for, now what seems, nothing that truly helped. Again, advice that did not work for me and my baby. Then, when she woke up from her nap I feel like I just put her down. Days feel so long being a stay at home mom, during nap times you should do what you love. Take care of yourself, don't add to the stress of your day by doing unnecessary research. I started reading again. I love psychological thrillers. Takes my mind off of my stress and worry and puts it into a whole other world, even if its for just a half hour. Take a bath, catch up on your shows, knit, do a puzzle, workout, anything that doesn't have to do with baby. If you are like me, put your phone away during that time, that is the biggest advice I could give. I know it may seem impossible since all we do now-a-days is search social media but give yourself a much needed mommy break. It's one of the reasons I started this blog. Yes, it has to do with baby but it also clears my head.
Collect Evidence and Confront Your Fears
This one is the hardest for me. I wouldn't have even thought about doing this if it weren't for my therapist. It sounds silly but one of mine was feeding my daughter her bottle somewhere other than our home. She is a very distracted eater and I felt that she would not eat as much if not at home. It made me very uncomfortable even thinking about it. With her being a smaller baby and gaining weight slowly I wanted her to get all the calories she needed. I still have not fed her in a public place but my first step was feeding her in the car (parked of course.) So I tried it one day when we were out and she ate a good amount. All I needed was to try something that was out of my comfort zone and give my brain the evidence it needed. The evidence being that my baby CAN eat well outside of the house. Again, this may seem silly to others but that's what anxiety can do to someone, put irrational thoughts inside our mind. So, I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone, even if it's a baby step. The more you do it, the less your anxiety can hold it against you.
Mindfulness
This one is even harder, in fact I am no where near accomplishing this. Mindfulness = a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Living in the present moment feels impossible when you live with anxiety. With anxiety we always focus on the future, what might happen, and how we can control it. Mindfulness means not worrying or dwelling. I have read, and am currently reading again, a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In the very beginning he explains that who you are is not what you think, you are separate beings. Breaking away from toxic thinking takes time but I believe it can be possible. I try to take moments to look at my daughter and take mental pictures of her in the present moment. Everyday feels so long but I know in the grand scheme of things time flies and I want to remember her being this little.
Asking for Help
Many people feel like asking for help means that they have failed or are weak. In reality when you acknowledge that you can't overcome something on your own and ask for help, you are strong. Maybe this means seeing a therapist. Maybe this means starting a medication. Maybe this means praying. Maybe it means doing all three. Since I was in grade school I have been on an anti-anxiety/depressant medication. It was used for treatment of General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It changed my life. Flash forward to today where I have increased the dose of that same medication. I pray more than I ever have. I ask God for patience and strength but I also thank Him for everything in life He has given me to make me so blessed. I started seeing a therapist when my daughter was around 3 months old. She has given me coping skills, advice, ways to overcome my anxiety, and at the very least someone to listen. So, if you believe you have had enough of feeling, thinking, worrying the way you do, ask for help.
These tips are coming from what I have learned about helping myself overcome postpartum anxiety. I still have a long way to go and I know I will always be someone who has an anxious mind but practicing these have helped me realize that I am stronger than my anxiety. Some of them may not work for you. The biggest thing to know is that you do not have to feel this way. You do not have go through this alone. If you need help, get it, and do it sooner than later. You won't be sorry.
